Pain
by NinjaJade
Summary: Ootoir can't forgive himself for Shishido's pain.


Something I wrote at random.

Warning: Too much OOC-ness and Shishido's mood swings.

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Pain

I watched in horror as the blood ran from his wrist to hand and dripped on to the floor.

"Choutarou…wh-what are you doing here?" Shishido scolded, gasping for air.

I quickly closed the door and leaned against it; to scared to open it. I could feel tears start up from the corner of my eyes. _How could Shishido-san do such a thing? Why? _I could only imagine the pain he felt, because I could feel it in my heart. I grabbed the left side of my chest and leaned my head on the door; sliding to the floor. That's when I began to cry. _Why…Why…Why… _was said over and over in my head as tears streamed down my face. I could here Shishido-san hissing in pain.

I began to remember times when we played tennis early in the morning before practice, late after practice and even on days there was no practice; we were always playing tennis. The day our love started, Shishido-san was shocked when I asked him out, but he said "Yes" in the end. At first he was uneasy with holding hands in public and soon became alright with it. Just those little times I remember walks in the park, visiting Chiba's beach, or laying under the Sakura Tree near the lake; where we had our first kiss and said "I love you." I felt a small smile form in the corner of my mouth. Our relationship went on weeks; even months.

Then my smile went back into a frown when I remember that our love had also fallen. The tears had dried up, but soon to fall again. Shishido-san wouldn't talk to me even look at me; I began to worry. I would try to talk to him in the hallway at school, but he'd just pass me with a cold look in his eyes. Even at practice Shishido-san wouldn't talk to anyone. He always wanted to be alone. I'd tried to talk to him then, but he just shunned me. _Why was Shishido-san acting this way?_

Through the door I could here him sighing. I open the door and saw him reaching for the razor for another round.

"No, stop it Shishido-san!" I yelled; standing at the door; he stops. "Why…why are you doing this?" He didn't look at me instead started to reach for the razor again. I ran to him, put my arm around his shoulders from behind and grab the bloody razor from his hand.

"Why Shishido-san?…Why?" I cried on his shoulder.

"Stop it Choutarou." He said trying to take the razor from my hand.

"Tell me, why?" I wonder.

"Just leave me alone." Shishido commanded trying to pull away; I held him tightly.

"No."

He leaned back and rested his head on my shoulder; he sighed, but still had the cold look in his eyes.

Once again I asked:

"Why Shishido-san did you do such a thing?"

"It was all a lie was it not?" He said, trying not to cry.

"What?"

"It was just lies." Coldly he said.

"Shishido-san, what are you talking about?" I looked at him.

"Everything was a lie wasn't it? The walks in the park and on the beach." He pulled away to turn and face me with tears in his eyes:

"Or was it you?"

Everything in my body, my mind, felt like it just sunk so fast; then I knew what he was talking about.

"I saw you… you and Hiyoshi…together. Th-the two of you were flirting, hugging, and you held his hand. I'm the one that should be asking you, why did you do such a thing? Did all those times mean nothing to you?" Tears were streaming down his creeks; I tried not to cry myself.

Next, he said the one thing I never wanted to here:

"I want you out of my life."

"Shishido-san don't say that." I tried to calm him down. "Hiyoshi was having a bad day and I was just there to help him." I grab his arm; he tried to pull away, but I pulled him closer to me where he again laid his head on my shoulder.

"Shishido-san, don't get mad, just listen to me. I don't know what to say, but Hiyoshi and I have nothing to do with each other.

"But you were flirting with him." He sniffed.

"No, no I wasn't. You're the only one I can flirt with." I felt like an idiot saying that; I went on; "I don't want to leave you or you leave me." I ran my hand through his hair. "Shishido-san, I want to be with you. I love you…"

He turned and looked at me:

"Now say that to my face and mean it." He was strict.

"Shishido-san, you don't have to be so mean, calm down." I looked away.

"Calm down? You want me to calm down after I saw you with another man?"

"I told you that we have nothing to do with each other."

"Choutarou…"

"I'm sorry Shishido-san, why don't you believe me?"

"Sorry for what?" He reached for the razor again.

I grabbed his wrist that was holding the razor and put my other arm around his shoulders.

"For putting you in so much pain." I started to cry.

He looked up at me.

"Shishido-san its alright, you don't have to believe me, but I really do love you and there is no need to forgive me either." I then let go of him and gently held his cut wrist; looking at the deep cut:

"Shishido-san I don't want you to die this way." I huffed. "I want you to live." Shishido-san looked at his wound; he looked depressed.

"Too live…?" He said softly looking away.

I lifted his chin with my hand; "Yes, too live…with me." I smiled.

Slowly he began to hug tighter and tighter. He whisper:

"Ok, I can live with you…and for you."

I hugged him back. We broke the hug as I said:

"We need to bandaged up your wound."

"Yeah, your right."

As we walked to the bathroom I wonder;

_Did I put Hiyoshi in this much pain too?_


End file.
